Photo by Hoang Loc on

I saw you from across the room, coffee in your hand, and you hesitated as you looked up at me and did a double take. Recognition.

I have known you before haven’t I?… asked only with my eyes. Words not needed, and anyway, our mouths are busy with getting-to-know-you-chat.

There is something about you. It is hidden in the energy that surrounds your presence. Familiar. I sense you in the way that is palpable even though we have hardly touched. And the time flies by. Our coffee shop hour feels like it lasted just a minute. It was speckled with vague notions of deja vu.

I never met you, yet it felt as though we were just catching up on old times. Like we bumped into each other and were so glad to see each other again. How did you do that?
How can that be? Some part of me swears it has known you. For centuries, if we are talking numbers.

You would laugh. You would roll your eyes at me if I told you. Even though you are more of a dreamer than I, you would giggle and say something that would make me blush while making sure not to hurt my feelings.

See? There it was again. That knowing. How do I describe it? I know the intended feeling that you would want your reaction to give me… without needing to know the exact words that you would use. That part is moot. The feelings shared, the predictability, the knowing.

As if the aura of the interaction has been played out so many times between us… in some place before. So when the time comes, we both already know what each other thinking, what each other needs.

It is primal, instinctive, a language of ‘known thought’ that doesn’t need words. Just that something between us.

And it has been a while now. Time has gone on and we still dance here and there. When life allows, when moods are right and opportunity knocks.

And where I hesitated at first to admit these thoughts, now I concede to them. No longer are they beginner’s feelings- a fairy-tale dream of my desperate-for-connection heart.

Enough time has gone by that I now know them to be true.
There is something about me and you.

In this life (?)… is that what it is? I struggle to believe– but no other theory feels right. Even as an old-soul-child I thought that I was a recycled soul… here to learn a lesson, be punished, do something big and good… maybe… something…

Something in our energy. Gravitational at times.

But you are promised to another. Your love for her is wrapped up in the life you two have built.

The moments that we spend together are gifts to each other. An escape, a rescue, a soul-search, a reset. You have used the word ‘grounding’.

I love that I can ‘ground’ you. “Bring calm,” you have said to me.

But sometimes those moments are more magnetic than we should let them be. And the unstoppable urge and craving to express care through touch… Where we want to be so close that we need to try and climb inside of each other.

And I let you inside me. To take. To give. To feel.
To see your dark eyes lost in the pleasure that I give you.
You take my breath away.

But you aren’t mine. Not this time. Maybe not ever. Or maybe that is just it… the dance that keeps us in orbit…. just close enough that we will always remain apart.

I need you to go back to the one you belong to in this life. I have to stop letting you in. In the moment it is amazing, but you are torn- I can feel it- and that hurts.

Maybe our time will be in the next.

You said to me before that I am your blessing and your curse. So glad to have met me.
I feel the same.

In so many ways; aren’t we lucky?
I’ll see you soon, my sweet.